


Courting: A gentleman's guide to success

by Sherise



Series: Dysfunctional Family [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Dadwin, M/M, NEETwin, Punk!Levi, eruri - Freeform, erwinxlevi, levixerwin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 18:35:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11236815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sherise/pseuds/Sherise
Summary: He was about to turn around and leave, when he spotted a small figure dressed in black, a lit cigarette on his delicate lips. His pitch black hair was styled in a neat undercut, contrasting with his ripped jeans and safety pinned leather jacket, and kept in place by a black beanie. Patches of skin were decorated with prominent tattoos, but before Erwin could gawk any more, the man seemed to have noticed him staring. He stood up straight, and made a clicking sound with his tongue."What thefuckare you looking at, old man?"Punk!Levi x NeetwinBeta: Simmi





	Courting: A gentleman's guide to success

With a defeated sigh he buried his nose back into the crumpled map of the city. It was of no use, half of the street names were blotchy from his sweaty hands, and quite frankly, he wasn’t looking for every art gallery and museum in town. He just wanted to buy some groceries for a tasty grilled cheese sandwich, which was the only thing he could cook up by himself anyway. Then again, finding his way across this humongous town with just a tourist map probably wasn’t the most professionally executed plan in all of his 30 years on this planet.

Erwin looked around, unfamiliar street names danced in front of his eyes. How would he ever get accustomed to living here if couldn't even get around without having to ask for directions every few turns like a five year old?  
Let’s face it though: Erwin felt old. He had lost every sense of direction after Marie had left him.  
A new start, a new home... a new him.

Facing his defeat with a probably very childish pout, he wandered around for several minutes, only to end up in another alleyway. This one looking much shadier than any other he had passed through.

He was about to turn around and leave, when he spotted a small figure dressed in black, a lit cigarette on his delicate lips. His pitch black hair was styled in a neat undercut, contrasting with his ripped jeans and safety pinned leather jacket, and kept in place by a black beanie. Patches of skin were decorated with prominent tattoos, but before Erwin could gawk any more, the man seemed to have noticed him staring. He stood up straight, and made a clicking sound with his tongue.

 

"What the _fuck_ are you looking at, old man?"

For a split second Erwin’s eyes widened behind his aviator sunglasses. It wasn’t like he expected prim and proper speech from this man, on the contrary. But he had been caught staring, to his utter embarrassment.  
The man took a long drag from his cigarette, raising his head and blowing the smoke into the dimly lit sky.

“Well?”  
“I am terribly sorry, sir. It wasn’t in my intentions to stare, forgive me.”  
“You even talk like an old fart.”

Steel grey eyes visibly scrutinised every inch of him and every second made Erwin feel more and more conscious of the fact that he was alone in this secluded alleyway, with a shady looking man who for god knows could rob him at any second. He started to fiddle with his sunglasses before taking them off, realizing it would probably look strange at this already late hour.

Eventually his eyes stopped their judgmental inspection at ground level, and if Erwin wasn’t paying this much attention to him he would’ve missed them widening slightly.

“Really, socks in sandals? Who dresses you, the retirement home?”  
“I.. Is there something wrong with them?”

Erwin tried to stand with confidence, straightening his broad shoulders and tall build, but families remarkably when he saw the man’s unforgiving frown, gaze still solely focussed on his footwear..

“Nothing at all, if you’re eighty three, thoroughly regret your shitty marriage and are desperate enough to try and scare her off with your horrible wardrobe choices.”  
Blunt as this guy was, something in Erwin managed to get over his initial shock and he found himself chuckling to the man’s choice of words.

“You got me there, eh..”  
“Levi.”  
“Levi.” Erwin repeated with a blinding smile.  
Levi answered by squinting his eyes even more, the grimace on his features the closest thing to a smile Erwin had seen on his face yet.

 

“So what’s a tourist doing in the shittiest part of town?”  
“Tourist?” His tone was filled with surprise. Even though Erwin wasn’t from around here, this town wasn’t known for its tourism. That’s exactly why he liked it enough to live in; far enough to try and forget about his past life, close enough to not completely abandon his old companions.

Levi made a motion with his hand, signaling up down at Erwin’s clothes.

 

Erwin looked down at himself. He was wearing a loose beige button up shirt decorated with flowers, surrounded by tropical looking leaves. The store owner had told him it made him look “admirably striking and young”, and it “complimented his blue eyes very nicely.” Of course upon arriving home, Marie forbade him to ever wear it again.  
Yes, he was wearing it to make himself feel better about all of this. Some weird personal sense of freedom hit him as soon as he put it on, matched it with beige shorts, and his most comfortable sandals. Worrying about the slightly chilly late summer evenings, he had put on some white socks underneath to keep his feet cozy. He realized now that he might’ve overdone his little freedom trip. The map he still clutched in his hand probably didn’t help either.  
Was he really getting old?

“Ah, I see why you might think that. I’m sorry, I’ve only recently moved here and well.. You could say I’m new in town, and terribly lost at the moment.” Erwin awkwardly stuffed his map away into his pineapple shaped bag, keeping his hands busy and his gaze averted.

Levi scoffed at him, as Erwin zipped his bag shut. Ever so carefully, blue eyes met his grey ones.  
“Anyone with more brain activity than a five year old can tell you’re not from around here.”  
“I see.” he awkwardly scratched the back of his head in an apologetic way.

 

“So, where do I need to take you?”

Erwin owlishly blinked a few times. “Excuse me?”  
“I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I’m your best chance of leaving this place unharmed looking like that, and finding your initial destination for that matter.”

“Oh, yes. If you would be so kind!”  
“Cut the polite crap. If you’re really this much of a sir, you would’ve introduced yourself earlier.”

Sudden realisation washed over his face, answered by a smug smile that clung to Levi’s features as if it belonged there all along. Before Erwin could help himself, he was very much staring at the smaller man again. Levi snapped his fingers in front of his face, waking him from his obvious daydreaming, and he quickly wiped his mouth with the back of his hand in a probably very uncharming manner, checking for any spilled drool. Something about the man made Erwin feel like a giddy teenager, while simultaneously feeling like an old, unknowing man.

 

“I’m terribly sorry.” Erwin cleared his throat. “Smith, Erwin Smith.” He extended his hand, intending to shake his opponent’s.

Levi rolled his eyes. “Okay double 0 seven, let’s go. You’re not getting any younger here.”  
He started walking without even batting an eye at Erwin’s empty hand. It took Erwin a couple of seconds to recollect himself and hurriedly walked after Levi. For such a short man his stride was actually quite impressive, but it took Erwin’s long legs no effort at all to keep up with his steady pace, which seemed to please his companion immediately.

“Where am I taking you?”

-

 

Levi showed him around until the sky turned pitch black, seemingly making as much shit related remarks as possible. And Erwin couldn’t help but smile at all of them. Something about this man’s rough exterior was getting to him; he might even call it somewhat endearing. A shudder ran down his spine when Erwin imagined the fury Levi would undoubtedly scold him with if he ever were to say those thoughts out loud.

Levi clearly misunderstood the shiver as Erwin being cold, although Erwin had felt a warm buzz enveloping him for a while now.

“It’s getting late I suppose, you should get your ass inside before your balls get frostbitten.”  
Erwin let out a chuckle. “I’m fine, really. Thank you for showing me around Levi, I really appreciate it.”  
“Yeah, not much of a problem. Keeps me busy.”

He flicked a black cigarette from the package into his mouth, and lit it ever so swiftly. A set of motions he was clearly used to. And so they stood there in silence, and much to Erwin’s dismay, he felt somewhat awkward.

“So-”  
“So-”

Levi clicked his tongue out of habit. “You go first, old man.”  
Erwin paused for a second, seemingly deep in thought. His eyes focused into the distance.  
Two fingers snapped in front of his face, awakening him quite abruptly.

“Not going senile already, are you? How many times are you gonna space out today?”  
“Ah, no. I’m sorry.”  
“You apologize a lot, you know.”  
“I know, I’m sor-…”

With an ever so stoic face, Levi let out a small chuckle, yet again taking Erwin completely off guard.  
“I guess I’ll go first. You have a smartphone or what?”  
“A phone?”  
“Dear lord… A calling device. Mobile phone. How old are you exactly?”  
“Oh uh, yes, I do. Are you... Are you asking for my number?”  
“Glad you caught on so quickly, I see that there’s hope for you anyway.”

Erwin was a noticeably taken aback; this wasn’t what he had expected him to ask in any way.

“Shit, wait. You don’t swing that way?”  
“What way?” He could hear the stupidity in his own voice, but before he could mentally scold himself for it, the pieces suddenly clicked together.

 

Levi was asking about his sexuality. And Erwin was looking like a single, ripe and probably very homosexual pineapple, so that probably didn’t help. He never had the chance to figure out that particular part of himself; settling down for Marie was the only option at that time, and it had all seemed perfectly logical.

 

Was he into men?

“Oh. I- I don’t know to be honest.”  
“Shit, no. S’fine. I’ll get going.”

Without another glance, Levi turned and stepped out of the light onto the dark streets.  
Sudden regret hit him like a brick. The first acquaintance he had made in this big unknown city had just walked off, and the warm fuzzy feeling suddenly felt like a cold stone lodged into his stomach.

“Wait, Levi!”

 

-

 

Erwin stared at the piece of paper in his hand. Of course, his - very outdated - cell phone had run out of battery after not charging it for four days straight, leaving him to no other choice to grab a pen and an old candy wrapper for Levi to scribble his phone number onto. Levi snorted loudly at Erwin’s phone, a dark blue Nokia 3310, mumbling something along the lines of “stone age” and “fitting for an old man”.

_“Changed your mind?”  
“Let’s just keep it at that, yes.”_

So what should he do now? He had his number, was he supposed to text him?  
Was there a protocol to this? It had been such a long time for him since he had actual dates. He didn’t feel the need to take Marie after they had gotten married. He probably should have, but the workload of his previous job was too much to even think about leading a normal life. His friend Nile saw this, and somehow he couldn’t blame him for giving Marie what she so desperately needed at that time.

 _“I’m leaving you for Nile.”_ She had said. _“You’re not the man I married anymore, Erwin. This just feels empty, and I can’t handle it anymore, I’m sorry.”_

He had watched her pack her belongings without uttering a word in his defense, then let her leave through the front door, slamming it behind her. He couldn’t argue with her, because he knew she was right.  
Then why had it hurt so much? Was it the thought of being alone? Surely he had loved her, though it had slowly worn thin, and he took everything he had for granted, until it fell apart that day.

It took him a while to actually move, a year and three months to be precise. In that time Marie had picked up her life apparently. Their mutual friend Mike, who took the effort to check upon Erwin every week, carefully told him she was pregnant with Nile’s child, and they were planning to get married as soon as possible, to which Erwin had smiled a watery smile.

_“Good, she’s finally getting what I couldn’t give her.”_

Mike had softly sniffed to somewhat console him, and that was all he needed.

Afterwards, he decided the life he was living up until that point wasn’t healthy. His stress levels were spiking, probably just as much as his cholesterol with all the fried takeout he was having. A terrible reminder to himself how much he had relied on Marie.  
He had to get out, leave ‘their’ apartment behind, and start another life somewhere else.  
And so he did.

Had he expected all of this after only a mere week of moving away? Definitely not.

His hand reached out to his charging phone, he typed in the new digits into his contact list.

**“Levi”**

He selected his name after saving, and went to send him a message. It couldn’t hurt to seem interested after letting him walk away first, right?

_“Hi Levi.  
My phone is charging, I thought I would send you a message, to make sure you have my number too. Thank you for showing me around again, I really enjoyed myself :-)_

_\- Erwin”_

He hit send, and a sudden flash of worry hit him. Had the smiley face been overkill? Did he send his message too early?  
Before his mind could wander any further, his phone buzzed twice on his nightstand. With a little too much excitement Erwin reached out, knocking over his bed light in the process, and grabbed his ‘calling device’, as Levi had called it before.

_“Aren’t you too old to be up at this hour? Thanks. Message you soon. - L”_

Erwin felt a small smile bubbling up, because his eyelids actually felt a little heavy.  
With a yawn he set his alarm, determined to get up early the next morning and work out.  
He settled underneath his covers, and swore he could smell a thick cigarette smell on his arms while falling asleep into the first restful night he had in months.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys!  
>  **I'M ALIVE!!!** _(ish)_
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed the first chapter of this fic.  
> This story is VERY dear to me, it's all a headcanon I came up with in silly EruRi related conversations with my friend (and commander) Simmi.  
> It's the foundation of a cosplay series called " **Dysfunctional Family** " on YouTube.
> 
>  **If you're interested, you can find our video's here:**  
>  https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLe-tTF5PDtKGQuqaCK4R-5dt949wnFABh
> 
> Punk!Levi cosplay by: Sherise_cosplay  
> Neetwin cosplay by: Simmi_cosplay  
> Picture taken by Lhinnor
> 
> Follow me on:  
> Tumblr: @sherise-cosplay/@sherise-art  
> Instagram: @sherise_cosplay/@sherise_art  
> Twitter: @sherise_cosplay  
> Facebook: Sherise Cos
> 
> See you guys soon!
> 
> \- Sherise


End file.
